DICTIONARY?

Contributed by Mr.Ranganathan, Bengaluru.

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece .
CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on .
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before .
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read.
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes .
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions.
PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead .
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river .
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.
BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
POLITICIAN:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later .
DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.